Trichotillomania

It starts with grabbing two or three hairs. Slightly pulling... and maybe winding the hairs around your finger. Then you pull them out, sometimes gently and other times with fervor. Sometimes it is more than two or three. Other times it is one at a time.

After the pull you get the URGE to keep going. Your scalp itches for it, literally screaming to you to pull more on this side of your head. Over here... rub the scalp to find the right spot. And then pull again. And again. Suddenly you have a clump of hair on the floor.

I started very young, maybe at age 8 or 9. Not even really sure to be honest. I do remember my mom freaking out about the bald spots and taking me to the pediatrician. I feigned ignorance, but I knew I was busted. The doctor didn't seem to care and just prescribed me a cream to put on the bald places.

I stopped for awhile. I always stop for awhile. Years sometimes.

Now it is back in full force, for maybe the last 8 months or so. I don't want to stop, it is a release.

Never knew this was considered OCD behavior. We all joke and say we have OCD about things, but pulling is not one you ever think of. Didn't even know it had a name until the internet. God Bless Google for that one.

I do this mostly when I am anxious or depressed. It is not always mood related, maybe 60% of the time. I want to pull right not.

I also pick endlessly at the scabs that form. I dig at my scalp sometimes until it bleeds.

Am I a fucked up person? Oh yes, assuredly. But there are some things about this that I can dig, and the hair pulling is one of them. I have tons of hair and hide it well.

To end this I will describe the final section to my hair pulling. I get the hair and inspect the ends that were in my scalp. Some of them come out with the whitish clear shaft. Those are like little prizes. I scrape the shaft between my finger and thumbnail to remove the shaft. I inspect it and then flick away the shaft and toss the hair. The end, until the next hair.