Insomnia

And here I sit, unable to sleep.

Kind of used to it now, but it still frustrates me. Why won't my brain just turn off? GRRRR, I am going to be so tired in the morning.

Depression

Here's how I feel.

I am boring

So he asked me "What would make you happy?" I stared around the room, it was awfully cozy. Everything about it was cozy, the soft couches and chairs. The lighting. The man staring at me from across the room.

I had no words except "I don't really know. I can't think of a single thing. Except my children, they make me happy."

I do nothing. I have nothing.

I am applying for disability because my symptoms are becoming worse as the days go by.

The trich has gotten better, at least there is that. I only had one slip up this week.

But I am not happy. Surprise.

So sensitive

So I did my best friends taxes for her today and she freaked the fuck out because she didn't get as much back as she thought she was going to. I was all happy when I called her too after I finished and she was like "What? That's all?" And she was such a bitch. I was so upset, heartbroken, pissed. No thank you for doing her taxes, just going off about how she made more last year.

Fuck her. And then fuck me because my dumb ass called and apologized for not letting her know how much she was getting back before I transmitted it. Why the fuck did I apologize? Maybe because I need her support, which she is usually pretty good about.

Fuck it, I have a screwed up brain and I can't help that. It is what it is. I get overly sensitive when I feel as though I am being ridiculed. SO part of it is my part for freaking out inwardly because I shouldn't have. The other part wants me to tell her to go FUCK herself for being such an ungrateful bitch. I didn't have to do her taxes and I sure as fuck didn't charge her for it.

Anyways.

I am on new meds. Who knows if they will help. Nothing else has. It's just another fucking day in paradise every single day. And if you don't get me here, that's sarcasm.

At least I have my family. They love me. That's what makes me happy right now.